真的很为难。

接受不代表认同。

my parent have never really accept him yet.
and because of something, i have make him leaving acceptable to my parent more & more far.

we only meet once a week for few hours ( 2-3hrs?)
most of the other time he had spent with his fren.
and at the time when we are together, he did say he will still want to spend time with fren which i agree to.

i'm not too sure, trying to be a good gf, i always agree to what he say.

i mean, is this abnormal?

even my bro (remember he wasn't close to me) say that there is something wrong with him.
(and of cause he say there is something wrong with me toooooo~)

i never asked him what he did in his spare time.
i never asked really about his previous relationship before and why they breakup.

my bro even ask me, if he really is my bf? because he says i'm always at home.
why us, as a couple, dun have the urge to always want to meet and be together?
i mean, is this abnormal too?

i don't take pics with him.
even when i started to date, i was "excited" about it that i blog, but i didn't announce to my close fren.
i mean, is this abnormal too? ( me being "not so" excited about having a bf.)

recently, i have been asking myself this qns: why don't i take pics with him?
why do i don't really dare to announce him as my bf (even among my relatives)?

right now, i think i have the answer.
sometimes i think i'm too impulse into getting this relationship.
don't misunderstand. i do like him. i feel comfortable around him. he do make me laugh.
but, we have a big difference between us which i didn't really want to acknowledge in the first place.

when we first started, he did ask me before if i mind his age & look? i say no, i dun mind.
but now, i think i do mind (unconsciously) simply because i dun want ppl to know i have such a bf.
i dun take pics with him because i dun want to show ppl nor did i want to announce.

i have been thinking if he is younger etc, would i still be like that.
the answer might be no.
maybe i will announce in fb (happily) saying i'm attached by changing the status.
crazily taking pics with him too.

my parent and bro is quite worried about me.
they say if have the chance, leave him and find a better one.
i want to be a good girl to them.
i dun want them to worry about me.
i can always see the worry in them whenever i say i'm gg on a date with him.

if only 1 out 3 of them say something is wrong, then we can still work it out.
when all 3 of them says the same thing, then there is something wrong with our relationship isn't it?

i feel very uptight with my parent.
and because of this, i dun feel as comfortable when gg out with him.

it's really getting on my nerves.

maybe because i also didn't know how to get involve in the relationship,
that's why it has lead to this step.

when my bro say there is something wrong with me, i totally agree.

i show different sides to different people.
is this abnormal too?
i behave differently in front of different people.
family, friends, colleagues and him.


in front of family & friends is quite similar.
i talk alot. i smile alot. trying to be the funny one.

in front of colleagues, i try to be the serious one. instead of talkative one.
within the group, im actually the quiet one (can u believe it?)

in front him, im also the quiet one. not as talkative.
things i talk to friends & family about, i dun talk to him.
funny eh?
its just purely because i dun feel like letting him know.
but i dun get this feeling with friends or family.

Am i abnormal?


actually, i'm not sure if i say this before but i do really get VERY VERY nervous in front of guys.
my heart goes "THUMP THUMP THUMP" triple fast and loud (because i can hear it myself).
and i can really feel my head vibrate. yes, vibrate.
all those in front of any boys or guys and whatever. (like classmates & colleagues).
holy shit isn't it.

i once swear that i want to get a bf who i feel comfortable abt without all the above holy shit thingy.
with him, was quite comfortable. i will be nervous, but does not show the above syndromes. 

i mean, is this abnormal too????